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So I went for vaccinations today, leaving hadn’t fully sunk in until that moment when I was in the nurses office discussing pleasantly the process of immunization as if browsing a menu in a slightly informal yet still upmarket restaurant:
"I have five shots for you, I can do three today and two another time, what would you like?"
"Oh I don’t know, how is your yellow fever today? I think I’ll have a shot of meningitis and maybe just a smidgeon of your Hep A"
"Excellent choice madam, now how would you like them? One shot in the left arm, two in the right?"
"I think I’ll go for two in the buttocks and one in the left thigh…"
I’m leaving DC for good for Khartoum, the consequences of which are still eluding me, not least because I have no idea how this move will affect me other than it is going to land me in a place that I can’t quite conceive of and take me away from a number of friends that I know I am going to miss horribly. I have however found a genius way of dealing with that, which is to start arguments left right and centre with all the people I care most about, rendering me annoyed enough to be immune to missing them. I think it is a method I will patent.
I’ve been looking up images of Khartoum online in an attempt to acclimatize myself or condition myself like Pavlov’s dog. I play soothing music and feed myself chocolate as I gaze on images of the kaboub and other such mysterious stuff. Whilst browsing through the google images pages I found this website http://www.freewebs.com/joesoldiers/19thcseigeofkhartoum.htm
It’s a series of dioramas on historic battles, engineered with the greatest of care on blue blankets. Small plastic figures battle their way bravely across the terrain through fierce explosions of cotton wool towards the waiting, unmoving, unmoved wall of soldiers on their cardboard fort. Each series of photos is presented with the most painstakingly picked music, the amount of effort that has gone into this site is simultaneously impressive and disturbing.
My favourite photo is the last poignant image of a brave little figurine in close up, "Gordon prepares to meet his fate" is the caption.
I have decided that I am going to start a similar page. Instead of battles I am going to do dioramas of the last few weekends out with my friends in dc. I will use barbie and ken dolls and carefully replicate the interiors of the most squalid bars in DC. Small squares of khaki cloth will be lovingly arranged to simulate puke, orange plastic screwed up in a glass to imitate the whisky. The last photo will be a solitary plastic figure on her bicycle riding through a carpet street, slowly tilting at a 45 degree angle, "The final fall of Funaki on 18th" will be the caption.
When lonely in Khartoum I will open up these images and carefully hold up a black haired barbie to the screen and pretend I am still there. I have the feeling if I set the website up correctly I could co-ordinate a video meet up of all the exiled plastic figurines in the world in a wonderful simulation of former nights out. Half the fun with none of the hangover.
