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In a cookie I got this week:
Am in the uk eating as many dim sum as is humanely possible before I have to return to the state that is dim-sum-less. In between bouts of dumpling consumption I have been involved in a long and protracted battle of wills between those who would come between me and my passport. The US embassy and UK passport agency say that my passport is damaged and thus could be forged. They say that they only want to take it off me and incinerate it and that I will soon be with new passport and visa. But I know better.
I know they’ve come for me after years of forged parent’s signatures on school passes, filling out forms using the path of least resistance, and not using plastic jackets on all objects of value. I’ve already been sent through several labyrinths of paperwork and regulations that only seem to lead to a different face, a different problem. I’ve come up against the wrath of bureaucracy and it is doomful.
They think they’ve got me, this horde of underlings with their staplers and their haircuts but I’m not beaten, I have a plan and it is good.
I have met with a band of mercenaries. A desperate band where all members live without health insurance and with unfilled tax returns. We plan to take over the UK passport office, the battle will be fierce but we have white out. We will win and it will be named as my queendom and I will declare sovereignty. Once a majority in the UN security council recognises my right as a state I will issue myself a new passport and travel back to the land of jobs.
I have looked into the experience of other burgeoning states and, at an average recognition time scale of a couple years to a decade, this way of getting a passport will definitely be quicker.
